i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
