she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
