we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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