you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
