I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want her autograph on my taint
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize