brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
No stitches, just platelets and will power
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
