My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
my being single is dangerous.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Randomize
