I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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