i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
