Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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