I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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