Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Randomize
