Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
