The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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