Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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