Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
