one two three fourrrrnication!
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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