I wish I could punch you in the face.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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