just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
The air was thick with penises
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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