why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
