I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
