Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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