I'm pants shitting drunk right now
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
