Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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