I'm sorry my penis didn't work
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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