you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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