Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
