Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
should my penis look like a turkey
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
