You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
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mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
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Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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