i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
