I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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