By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
