I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
