You smell like stripper and shame
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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