Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
