Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
don't judge my taste in strippers
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
