i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
