did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
