Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
