I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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