What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
