Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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