Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Randomize
