Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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