why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Randomize
