Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
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you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize