I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
