Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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