Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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