no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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