Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
