First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Randomize
