dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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