Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
