nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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