I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
