How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Randomize
