I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
