I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
