4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
pop tarts are not kleenex
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
