I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
