My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
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She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
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Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her