If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
