Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize