i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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