She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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