you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
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I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
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i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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