i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
