yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
