the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
