The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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