she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
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