i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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