Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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