OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
they need to just BURY HIM!
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
