just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
