the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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